i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i came on her dog
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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