I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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