I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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