Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
