hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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