I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
