I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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