Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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