1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize