DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
