i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize