i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
