I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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