..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
