Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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