Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
