I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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