Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Couch. On fire.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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