You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
