mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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