my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
