Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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