i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
