I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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