i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
