Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
