This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
