I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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