The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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