dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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