remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize