i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
what is it with giant penises always finding me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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