just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
