dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
