I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
