I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
