I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
