i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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