Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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