everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
