Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
