Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize