I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
