So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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