Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
