For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
