Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
