is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
