i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
