Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
