Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
