Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
