Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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