i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
