We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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