OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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