I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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