that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
