I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
