Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
