I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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