okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
