Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
