are you so shy because you have an std?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize