those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
