It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
