I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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