I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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