whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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