My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
