i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
