i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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