Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize