I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize