ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
