Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
