i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
