Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
