i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
false alarm. still invincible.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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