Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
