It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
