textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
