i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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