at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
