you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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